


Bad Days and Tomorrows

by delilah_davenport



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Boys Kissing, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25940932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delilah_davenport/pseuds/delilah_davenport
Summary: When Bucky went to answer the door, his smile faltered when he realised his hands were shaking as he reached for the doorknob.He stared down at his outstretched palm, watching it tremble, and gritted his teeth. He took a deep breath (‘keep it together, Bucky’) and opened the door to reveal Sam, smiling at him with a tub of baked goods in his hands.“I baked you cookies,” Sam smiled.~~~Or, Sam helps Bucky through a bad day
Relationships: Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 5
Kudos: 96





	Bad Days and Tomorrows

Bucky was used to having bad days. Hell, his entire life for 70 years had been a never ending bad day.

Bucky had died before. He fell off a train and was dead to the world, and not long after he felt the spirit of his past self pass away, even though his broken body was forced to go on. The American soldier Bucky Barnes died in the forties, and the winter soldier replaced him.

Bucky’s life hadn’t flashed before his eyes when he fell off the train. All he’d felt was fear. Before hydra had completely cleaned out his brain of everything that made him who he was, he spend too many nights sitting in their prison cells, being beaten, tortured, psychologically manipulated and more. That’s the last thing Bucky remembers from his old life. During that time, when he wasn’t feeling unimaginable pain and suffering, his mind was mostly preoccupied with thoughts of his mother. He should have written to her more - or told her he loved her every day. That’s the last thing he remembers thinking, and is one of the only memories hydra wasn’t able to take from him. He just wishes he’d been left with a happier one.

But no, Bucky wasn’t new to the concept of bad days.

Bucky had been feeling off all morning. He’d woken up from one of the most brutal nightmares he’s had in years, sweat dripping off his body alongside the tears from his eyes. He’d showered for two hours, under scalding hot water, not being able to shake the remaining feeling of cold from his bones. He had to constantly keep reminding himself he wasn’t in the cyro chamber, while he stood slumped over in the shower with his hands and forehead resting on the wall in front of him. His shoulders shook with his soft sobs, finding himself totally unable to calm his agony filled mind.

  
When he finally got out of the shower he still couldn’t calm his mind. He checked every possible entrance in the Wakandan house he was staying in. Bucky then searched every nook and cranny of the apartment - cupboards, closets, under each bed, behind every piece of furniture. By the time he had finally concluded that there was no intruders waiting to jump out and attack him, Sam was knocking on his door, wondering if he was still up for spending the day together.

Bucky and Sam had been getting closer since they’d both arrived in Wakanda. Although Bucky hadn’t thought it would be possible, Sam managed to see past what the winter soldier had done to him and start to realise that the person Bucky was becoming is a different person from the winter soldier. Bucky hadn’t attacked him and hurt him - the winter soldier did. It took some time, and they butted heads more than a couple times, but eventually judgemental stares and hurtful insults between the two turned into fleeting touches and flirty comments.

Bucky loved spending time with Sam. It wasn’t like spending time with Steve, who saw him as someone else; a person he didn’t remember, the person he used to be. Sam didn’t look at him like Steve did - with a look that was too expectant. Sam wasn’t chasing a ghost that was long gone. Sam didn’t want him to ‘recover’ in any way that meant him returning to his old self. Sam wanted Bucky to become his new self. Sam just wanted him to get more comfortable, discover new interests and hobbies, learn new things that made his life easier (like how to wash dishes properly and tie his shoelaces).

He only wanted him to be himself, whoever he was now, and not a person he once was. Not a 40s fantasy. Just Bucky.

That’s why a smile split Bucky’s face when he heard Sam’s rhythmic knock on the door. Bucky liked Sam’s knock, it was the same every time, two fast knocks, a slow knock and two fast knocks again, not too loud to startle him. Once, when Sam and Bucky were hanging out together, someone knocked on the door and Bucky flinched so hard he dropped his drink, smashing the glass on the floor, which scared him more with two loud noises in succession, and set him off into a panic. After that, Sam made sure to knock doors quietly, only just loud enough for Bucky to hear, and place down objects quietly too when they were together. Sam was considerate like that.

When Bucky happily went to answer the door, his smile faltered when he realised his hands were shaking as he reached for the doorknob.

‘ _Pathetic_ ,’ his mind screamed at him.

He stared down at his outstretched palm, watching it tremble, and gritted his teeth. He took a deep breath ‘ _keep it together, Bucky_ ’ and opened the door to reveal Sam, smiling at him with a tub of baked goods in his hands.

“I baked you cookies,” Sam smiled.

  
~~~

A few hours later, Bucky and Sam were walking around Wakanda together as the sun started to fall lower in the sky. Bucky loved to look at Sam in this lighting; his skin looked like it was glowing and his eyes looked like little pools of honey.

Bucky had been quieter than usual all day. Sam had definitely noticed, giving Bucky concerned looks when he thought the latter wasn’t looking, but didn’t say anything.

‘You’re allowed to have bad days, Bucky’ Sam had told him once. ‘I won’t think any less of you.’

Bucky still didn’t fully understand how Sam hadn’t just got tired of his bullshit and left. Then again, it was hard to think positively when the voice in your head that does the thinking is the same voice criticising you all day.

Sam started to wrap up his story - something about a crazy lady in a store - and Bucky gave him a small smile when Sam looked at him. He really, _really_ wished he could be happier and less out of it today, for Sam’s sake. But he couldn’t help the numb feeling in his chest that sucked all joy out of him and made his hands shake. Why did he need to invite Sam over on one of his bad days?

He and Sam eventually reached the top of the small hill they were walking up. From this point, Bucky could see Wakanda as it stretched out for miles and miles, making him feel smaller than he already had today. As the sun set slowly over Wakanda, he thought that there was a metaphor to be found there. He wasn’t going to be the one to figure it out.

‘ _As if you’d be smart enough to figure it out_ ,’ his mind barked back at him.

They stood in comfortable silence for a minute. Then, Sam sighed quietly and moved forward to sit down on the ground with his feet kicked over the edge of the cliff. Bucky followed him silently, always content to sit quietly by Sam’s side, just content to be lucky enough to be allowed to do that.

After a couple minutes of comfortable silence, Sam edged closer towards him so that their shoulders were brushing, and Bucky felt his breath catch. Sam gently took Bucky’s hand in his, giving it a squeeze and smiling at him. Bucky did his best to smile back.

“What’s up with you today, Buck?” He asked softly, looking at him with poorly hidden concern. Bucky’s smile faltered and he looked down, away from Sam’s brown eyes. Sam could feel Bucky’s hand trembling in his. He had noticed that Bucky had been jumpy all day, and quieter than usual. His laughs at Sam’s jokes seemed forced and half hearted, and his eye were glazed over all day, as if he were lost in thought. Sam was glad Bucky had sat on his left side so he could hold his hand. He needed to comfort him in some way.

Bucky looked down at the ground for a while, not answering. Sam squeezed his hand again. “You don’t have to tell me,” Sam assured him. “I won’t make you. But I want to know, because then I’ll know if there’s some way I can make you feel better.”

‘ _Not unless you can change the past_ ,’ Bucky thought.

There was a few more minutes of silence. Then Sam sighed and looked away from Bucky in defeat. Bucky felt a familiar wave of self loathing wash over him, making him feel like an asshole for disappointing Sam. But then, instead of pulling away, Sam leaned into him and rested his head on Bucky’s shoulder, their hands still intertwined. Bucky felt his breath hitch and his heartbeat pick up, nervous and delighted that the handsome man next to him seemed to actually care enough about him to put up with his shit.

‘ _That’s all you are, though_ ,’ that voice in his head reminded him. ‘ _A broken piece of-_ ‘

“Stop,” Sam’s voice cut through his bad thoughts like a knife. Sam lifted his head from Bucky’s shoulder and placed a kiss, their first kiss, onto his cheek, letting his lips lightly rest there afterwards. A hot red blush spread across Bucky’s face, and his train of bad thoughts abruptly halted while Sam’s lips rested on his face, just above where his beard began. He then spoke again, and Bucky could feel his lips moving against his skin. “Stop thinking bad things about yourself.”

Sam then pulled his face away from Bucky’s, barely, just so that there was enough space between them for Sam to remove his hand from where it was holding Bucky’s, and take some of Bucky’s overgrown hair that was falling in his face and tuck it behind his ear. His fingertips then travelled slightly, slowly, down the side of Bucky’s neck and gently held onto the back of it. He rubbed the back of Bucky’s neck comfortingly, slowly, as if he was giving Bucky a massage. Bucky’s eyes fell shut, relishing in the feeling of Sam’s hands on him. Sam then swivelled his body and brought his knees up, so they were resting beside Bucky’s thighs and tucked underneath him, so he could sit sideways facing Bucky. He then took the hand that hadn’t been holding Bucky’s previously and took Bucky’s hand again. His chest was now fully facing Bucky’s side, giving Bucky the feeling of having his undivided attention. Bucky sighed happily at having both of Sam’s hands comforting him, and felt his body relax.

They sat like that for a while, Sam comforting Bucky without saying a word. It felt very intimate. This was the most intimate they’d been since they started getting close. This was a very far stretch from tiptoeing around each other.

“I didn’t have a very good sleep,” Bucky croaked out after a while. He was surprised with how hoarse his voice sounded. “I had a- uh, had a nightmare. It wasn’t very- it was bad. Kinda messed me up.”

Bucky cringed at his own struggle to get the words out. There was another moment of silence between the two. He was glad his eyes were still closed so he couldn’t see Sam. He opened them again, however, when he felt Sam lean forward and press another lingering kiss to his cheek.

“Thank you for telling me,” he heard Sam say as softly as he could without whispering. He felt Sam’s breath on his face and turned his head slightly to look up from his feet to look at Sam. He nearly knocked Sam’s nose with his, they were so close. They both held their breath for a minute, just looking at each other. Sam’s eyes really did look like honey in this lighting.

Surprisingly for both of them, a spontaneous smile split across Bucky’s face.

“Sweetheart, for more of your kisses I’d tell you my entire life story,” he snarkily replied.

Sam’s face broke out into gorgeous laughter. Bucky chuckled alongside him. When Sam’s laughter faded away, he looked at Bucky with the most beautiful smile Bucky had ever seen, and brought the hand that was resting in Bucky’s to place it on the opposite cheek he had kissed. He brought his other hand round from the back of his neck, too, so both hands were resting on the side of Bucky’s face.

Sam waited hesitantly for a reaction, his happy face morphing into something more serious. “Is this alright?” He murmured. “Are you okay with me touching your face?”

Of course, Sam’s first concern was Bucky. He didn’t want to do anything that would maybe make Bucky uncomfortable. Bucky’s smile widened.

“Yeah,” he whispered, to himself more than anything else. “Yeah, I think I’m alright now.”

Sam smiled back at him and leaned forward slowly, giving Bucky enough time to pull away. But Bucky didn’t want to - so he decided to meet him halfway.

Bucky’s heart seemed to jump when Sam’s lips touched his. It was a short, innocent kiss, but it was ideal. When they pulled away, Bucky looked at Sam and smiled. Sam smiled back, and leaned in to kiss him again, this time slower and longer. Bucky’s hand reached round to hold Sam’s waist, not wanting him to ever pull away.

They sat there together for a while, Sam eventually swinging his leg over to sit on Bucky’s lap. Innocent and greedy kisses were exchanged between them, each one acting like a bandaid over Bucky’s aching soul. Sam kissed him, the sun set behind him, and Bucky’s bad day came to an end.

He couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Please kudos and comment if you enjoyed! They really mean a lot to me


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